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Quote of the day

#3661 by BouldRake » Mon Jul 23, 2018 04:35

Quote:...and if I'm in the shower, bring me some beans on toast.

-- Missy
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#3662 by BouldRake » Wed Jul 25, 2018 07:30

Quote:We'll never be as young as we are right now

-- Jim Steinman
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#3663 by BouldRake » Thu Jul 26, 2018 06:41

Quote:Time is not your enemy - forever is.

-- Fall From Grace
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#3664 by BouldRake » Fri Jul 27, 2018 09:37

Quote:The record companies are coming to me going "these are all your friends" and I'm going "I don't have any friends".

-- Meat Loaf
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#3665 by BouldRake » Sat Jul 28, 2018 07:38

Quote:Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species, as well as some of the more cunning monkeys, but after living on earth, I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

-- Bender Bending Rodriguez
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#3666 by walkinganomaly » Sun Jul 29, 2018 00:15

:thumbup: Bender is so funny! Good one BouldRake!
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#3667 by BouldRake » Sun Jul 29, 2018 11:27

Quote:No one WANTS a brick thrown at them. But it's an effective way to get someone's attention.

-- Ipikak the Inebriated
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#3668 by BouldRake » Mon Jul 30, 2018 07:52

Quote:I start at the ankles and work up. I am like a spider binding him in my gossamer web. I do it tight with several layers. Soon Roy Orbison stands before me, completely wrapped in cling-film. The pleasure is unexampled.

-- Ulrich Haarbürste
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#3669 by BouldRake » Tue Jul 31, 2018 06:10

Quote:What can I get away with before it's sure-fire infidelity? A kiss on the lips? Some people say hello like that. Touch the waist? Another innocent greeting gesture. As long as she doesn't rub my penis. No-one says hello like that, other than in prison.

-- Mark Corrigan
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#3670 by BouldRake » Wed Aug 01, 2018 08:11

Quote:Feelings are what women have. They come from their ovaries.

-- Stan Smith
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#3671 by BouldRake » Thu Aug 02, 2018 10:38

Quote:Absence makes the nose grow longer!

-- The Doctor
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#3672 by BouldRake » Fri Aug 03, 2018 08:40

Quote:The best conversation I had was over forty million years ago.... And that was with a coffee machine.

-- Marvin
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#3673 by BouldRake » Sun Aug 05, 2018 13:42

Quote:He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher...or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.

-- Douglas Adams
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#3674 by BouldRake » Mon Aug 06, 2018 10:36

Quote:Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

-- Sam Levenson
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#3675 by BouldRake » Tue Aug 07, 2018 16:10

Quote:When I was one, I was dropped on the porch. When I was two, I had pneumonia. When I was three, I got the chicken pox. When I was four, I fell down the stairs and broke six ribs. When I was five, my uncle was decapitated by a watermelon. When I was six, my parents hit me in the head with a shovel. When I was seven, I lost my index finger to my pet rat. When I was eight, my dog Spike got hit by a tractor.

When I was nine, my mother lost her arm to a rabid Brahmin. When I was ten, my sister was torn to bits by a pack of dogs. When I was eleven, my grandfather killed himself because I was ugly. When I was twelve, my grandmother killed herself because I was ugly. When I was thirteen, my father poked out his eyes with a pitchfork in a drunken stupor.

When I was fourteen, my brother lost his hand to a wallaby. When I was fifteen, my aunt choked to death on a chicken bone. When I was sixteen, I lost my cousin to a badger. When I was seventeen, I cut off my left big toe with a hoe. When I was eighteen, my father lost his right leg to the same tractor that killed my dog. When I was nineteen...

-- Dave
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#3676 by BouldRake » Wed Aug 08, 2018 10:02

Quote:You can never be too careful. A password is obviously needed in case someone was to maliciously pay your bill for you.

-- Joe35
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#3677 by BouldRake » Thu Aug 09, 2018 06:46

Quote:Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best, he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house.

-- Robert A Heinlein
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#3678 by BouldRake » Fri Aug 10, 2018 11:08

Quote:Our greatest pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the ugly in us, but our emptiness. The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there.

-- Eric Hoffer
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#3679 by BouldRake » Sat Aug 11, 2018 04:00

Quote:There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.

-- Franklin P. Adams
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#3680 by BouldRake » Sun Aug 12, 2018 15:59

Quote:I'm a celebrity, I can kill whoever I want.

-- Calculon
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