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The Ultimate Jokes Thread (Veg. Only)

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#161 by CodeNameX » Thu Dec 20, 2012 01:10

Reason why never visit a 5 star Hotel


Question : " What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"

Answer: "tea please"

Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"

Answer : "Ceylon tea "

Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"

Answer: "white"

Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"

Answer: "With milk "

Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"

Answer: "With cow milk please.

Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"

Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "

Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"

Answer: "With sugar"

Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"

Answer: "Cane sugar "

Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"

Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."

Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "

Answer: "Mineral water"

Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"

Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst
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#162 by uzair_friends » Thu Dec 20, 2012 03:12

One early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up
MOM: Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.
SON: But why, Mama? I don’t want to go to school.
MOM: Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.
SON: One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.
MOM: Oh! that’s not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.
SON: Give me two good reasons WHY I should go to school?
MOM: One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.
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#163 by uzair_friends » Thu Dec 20, 2012 03:13

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#164 by uzair_friends » Thu Dec 20, 2012 08:28

This isnt any joke but everyone needs to think about it
_____________________________________________

Ek Kutti raat ko raaste par ja rahi thi....
Raaste mein 5/6 kutte mile.
Kutti gabhra gayi.....
.
.
.

Kutto ne kaha aap aaram se jaiye aur dariye nahi.
Hum kutte hai Insaan nahi..
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#165 by MSBHATTI » Sat Dec 22, 2012 02:16

संता के घर एक बिल्ली रहती थी जिससे वह बहुत परेशान था। एक दिन संता उससे तंग आकर कहीं छोड़कर आ गया पर संता के घर पहुंचने से पहले बिल्ली घर पहुंच गई।

संता दोबारा उसको बाहर छोड़कर आया पर वह फिर से घर पर वापस आ गई। संता को बहुत गुस्सा आ गया और इस बार उसने बिल्ली को बहुत दूर छोड़ दिया। फिर थोड़ी देर बाद अपनी बीवी को फोन किया और पूछा कि क्या बिल्ली घर आ गई है।

बीवी- हां, वह पहुंच गई है।

संता- उससे बोल मुझे आकर ले जाए, मैं रास्ता भूल गया हूं।
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#166 by MSBHATTI » Sat Dec 22, 2012 02:17

अध्यापक (छात्र से)- जिस आदमी के दोनों हाथ न हो उसे हिंदी और इंग्लिश में क्या कहेंगे?

छात्र- हिंदी में ठाकुर और इंग्लिश में हैंडस फ्री!
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#167 by uzair_friends » Sun Dec 23, 2012 03:11

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#168 by uzair_friends » Wed Dec 26, 2012 12:20

Ye Ek sachi ghatna he jo abhi haal hi mein Gujarat me hui !!!

Surat ke ek bahot hi bade diamond businessman Mahesh Bhai Patel ka iklote bete ka accident huva.

Wo abhi 16 years ka hi tha, He was too serious

Unfortunately Hosptial pochne ke raste mein hi usne apni aakhri saans li aur is duniya ko alvida kar diya

Lekin jaate jaate usne apne pita k liye ek message diya tha

Uske dad to jaise pagal se ho gaye apne bete ki maut ka samachar sunke. Unhe har jagah apna beta hi dikhayi deta tha

Ye Sadma unse bardaasht nahi huya lekin uske son ki ahkri iccha thi ki uski favourite place SAPUTARA mein usko dafnaya jaye

Sabke mana karne k bavajud bhi unhone apne bete ko dafnaya (As you know Hindu dharam mein bury nahi kiya jata )

Ussi Raat Mahesh bhai ne apne bete ko hotel compound me ghumta dekha lekin phir unhe ehsaas hua ki wo unki sirf ek kalpana thi

Agle din Saputara se lautate samay bhi unhe laga ki uska beta usse rokne ke liye piche daud raha hai

Akhir jab wo wapas surat aaye tab 4-5 din ke baad unhe ek call aya jiski vajah se unke pairo ke niche ki zameen khisak gayi

It was a call from his son stating that He wants to get back home

Jab ye baat dusro ko pata chali they thought ki Mahesh bhai Pagal ho gaye he lekin dusre din bhi call aya

Ab sab chinta me the aur saputara poche

Wahan jake dekha to unka son wahin khada tha jaha usse dafnaya gaya tha

Akhir me pata chala ki

Kabar banate samay kuch cement uske muh me chali gai thi aur wo zinda ho gaya

Kyunki it was AMBUJA CEMENT auris cement me JAAN hai :P :D
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#169 by narayan985 » Mon Jan 07, 2013 00:35

KHATARNAAK DOSTI..

Boy was late to reach home..

His father: "kaha tha tu?"

Boy: "Friend ke yahaa tha."



Father called his 10 friends..



4 answered:

"Haan uncle, yahi par tha"



3 answered:

"abhi just nikla hai"



2 answered:

"yahi hai uncle, Pad raha hai....phone du kya"....?
1 ne toh had kar di

He Answerd:
"Haan papa, bolo kya hua?"
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#170 by livinggod29 » Mon Jan 07, 2013 09:12

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country... we don't speak aloud in public about our sex lives.."
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
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#171 by livinggod29 » Mon Jan 07, 2013 09:15

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#172 by ptcscrutiny » Mon Jan 07, 2013 09:20

Allright keep it clean livinggod29
You are pushing the boundaries ;)
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#173 by uzair_friends » Mon Jan 07, 2013 09:47

For Internet Explorer users - Happy New Year :P
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#174 by livinggod29 » Mon Jan 07, 2013 20:12

what's up bro?
well it is a movie about a old man and a little boy who travel around the world in a flying house that is carried by balloons.
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#175 by livinggod29 » Mon Jan 07, 2013 20:19

Never Make Fun of Online Dating Sites. It's a Sacred Relationship Between a Man and another Man Pretending to Be a Woman.... lol!!!
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#176 by livinggod29 » Mon Jan 07, 2013 20:21

A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classoom observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste."

After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.

After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."
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#177 by livinggod29 » Mon Jan 07, 2013 20:22

You know how every fairytale starts with "Once upon a time..."?
There is another way to start it.
"If elected, I promise.."
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#178 by SriKanthSai » Mon Jan 07, 2013 20:28

Hello i asked u what will u give livinggod !!
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#179 by livinggod29 » Tue Jan 08, 2013 03:44

kanthsai143 wrote: Hello i asked u what will u give livinggod !!

I will upgrade your membership this year !! (after your current membership expires.)
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#180 by SriKanthSai » Tue Jan 08, 2013 04:37

Really Wow Thank you :D u r sooo kind hearted !!
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