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The Ultimate Jokes Thread (Veg. Only)

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#101 by DaxOnlineWork » Fri Nov 16, 2012 01:24

BF: Baby, I heard you failed in English, how is it
possible?
.
GF: Nahi to jhoot hai Who TELLED you ??
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BF: Bas Rehn De, Main Samajh Gaya!
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#102 by uzair_friends » Sat Nov 17, 2012 06:27

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#103 by uzair_friends » Sat Nov 17, 2012 07:27

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#104 by uzair_friends » Sat Nov 17, 2012 13:49

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#105 by uzair_friends » Sat Nov 17, 2012 23:47

Train me 1 ladke ne T.T.E. Se kaha
.
"Mujhe subah 4 baje patiala utha
dijiye ga,
main na jagu to jabardasti utar
dijiyega,
Muje subah interview dena hai."
Subah 8 baje ladka jaga to patiala
nikal gaya tha...!
Ladka TTE ko maa bahen ki
galiyan dene lga..!
Logo ne TTE se kaha ke wo apko
galiyan de raha hai aur appchup-
chap sun rahe hai.!!
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TTE :- Main ye soch raha hun ki,
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Subah jisko maine Zabardasti utar
diya hai Woh kitni galiyan de raha
hoga..:P
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#106 by uzair_friends » Sun Nov 18, 2012 01:13

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#107 by uzair_friends » Sun Nov 18, 2012 07:24

Woman once found a frog in a trap.
The frog said, "If you release me, I will grant you 3 wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you,but I failed to mention that there was a condition.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish,
she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog then inquired about her
third wish, and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers:
This is the end of the story for you. Stop here and continue feeling good. :DDDD

Male readers: Please scroll down. ;)))
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart. :PpP

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this ;)
it only goes to show that women never listen !!
hahahaha...
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#108 by uzair_friends » Mon Nov 19, 2012 02:32

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#109 by uzair_friends » Mon Nov 19, 2012 07:00

A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a
little old lady following him around.
If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she
kept staring at him. She finally overtook him
at the checkout, turned to him and said,"I
hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's
just that you look so much like my late son."He
answered,"That' s okay.""I know it's silly, but
if you'd call out"Good bye, Mum"as I leave the
store, it would make me feel so happy."She
then went through the checkout .. and as she
was on her way out of the store, the man
called out,"Goodbye, Mother."The little old lady
waved and smiled back at him and said
“Thank you”. Pleased that he had brought a
little sunshine into someone's day, he went to
pay for his groceries."That comes to
£121.85,"said the checkout girl."It can't be
that much ! I only bought 5 items."The
checkout girl replied"Yes, but your Mother
said you'd pay for her things, too." :P :P
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#110 by uzair_friends » Mon Nov 19, 2012 07:40

Dedicated to All the Logic in the world ;) :

There were two nuns ....

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) & the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL)

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM : Have u noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL : It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM : Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL : The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster ......

SM : It's not working.

SL : Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL : The only logical thing we can do is split. U go that way & I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM : Sister Logical! Thank God u are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL : The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM : Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL : The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM : And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me

SM : Oh, dear! What did u do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM : :o Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
I'll pray for u!......=D
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#111 by CoolDudeX » Mon Nov 19, 2012 08:40

Only
happens
in
india

Let's
pray
for
them
:lol:
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#112 by uzair_friends » Tue Nov 20, 2012 03:44

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#113 by uzair_friends » Tue Nov 20, 2012 07:13

A couple were driving at 70 mph down the road,
husband behind the wheel. The wife suddenly
says "Honey, I know we've been married twenty
years but I want a divorce." He says nothing but
increases the speed to 80mph. She says "Now
don't try to talk me out of it, I've been screwing your best friend for sometime now and he IS
better at sex than you." He stays quiet, but speeds
up to 90mph. She says "I want the house and the
car." (He is now doing 100mph.) "I want the bank
accounts and the credit cards too." she says. The
husband starts to veer towards the side of the road and a large grove of trees. The wife gets
nervous and asks "Isn't there
ANYTHING you want?" "No, I've got all I need." He
said "Oh really, so what exactly do you have?" Just
before they hit the tree at 120mph he smiles and
says: "The freaking air-bag! :D:D
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#114 by uzair_friends » Tue Nov 20, 2012 08:10

Wats d opposite of "dominoz"?

Think...

Tired?

" domi doesn't know "

1 more!

Wats d opp of "pizza hut"?

Tired again?

" pizza hatna mat"

K another 1!

Wats d opp of "gopalkrishnan"?

Keep thinking......

It's "come-palakrishnan"

Stop banging ur head! Last 1!

Wats d opp of "subramanium swami"?

Gave up?

" subramanium didn't see me"

K k last 1 promise.....

Wats d opp of "jogeshwari"?

" jogesh don't worry "
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#115 by bijaykumar2u » Wed Nov 21, 2012 09:03

मल्लिका शेरावत का देशभक्ति गीत :
"अब तुम्हारे हवाले बदन साथियों"


लड़्को के लिये जन्मदिन का बधाई संदेश :
ईश्वर करें हर दिन आपकी खुशियाँ पेट्रोल के भाव की तरह बढ़े
और आपके ग़म मल्लिका शेरावत के कपड़ों की तरह घटे"


मल्लिका शेरावत के मरने के बाद उसकी कब्र पर क्या लिखा होगा ?
"पहली बार अकेली सोयी है !"
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#116 by bijaykumar2u » Wed Nov 21, 2012 09:10

नर्सरी क्लास में छोटे बच्चों से पुछा गया "भगवान कहाँ है?"
एक बच्चे ने जोर जोर से हाथ हिलाया "मुझे पता है!!"
टीचर ने कहाँ "अच्छा बताओं"
बच्चे ने बताया "हमारे बाथरूम में"

एक पल के लिये टीचर चुप! फ़िर संभलते हुए बोली "तुम्हे कैसे पता?"

बच्चा बोला "रोज सुबह जब पापा उठते है, बाथरूम का दरवाजा पिटते हुए कहते
है - हे भगवान ! तुम अब तक अंदर ही हो!"
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#117 by uzair_friends » Wed Nov 21, 2012 12:23

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#118 by uzair_friends » Thu Nov 22, 2012 01:41

Tortoise n rabbit wrote entrance exam,
Tortoise got 80%
Rabbit 81%.
Both went 4admission in an engineering college,
Cut off needed was 85%...
Rabit didn't get but
Tortoise got admission.
How?
U remember wen v wer in 1st std
tortoise won a race...
Sports quota 5% marks extra...:D
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#119 by uzair_friends » Fri Nov 23, 2012 02:55

POTA :- Dadu......Dadu. ....btao na
Bache kaise paida hote hai ?
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DADA :- Aasman se pari aati hai or maa k pet me
rakh deti hai.
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POTA :- Dadu.....ab woh suhagraat wala
system khatam ho
gaya kya? :P :D
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#120 by uzair_friends » Fri Nov 23, 2012 02:55

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