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The Ultimate Jokes Thread (Veg. Only)

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#81 by uzair_friends » Mon Nov 12, 2012 22:15

1 Old lady bus condctor ko
Roz kaju -badaam khane ko
deti thi..
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Condctor:- AMMA aap mujhe
roz Q khilati ho ??
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Lady:- Beta daant to Ab rhe
nhi.. :/
To chuskar phenk dena Accha
nhi lagta Hai .:D =D :P
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#82 by uzair_friends » Mon Nov 12, 2012 22:17

Jim, Dave and Eric died and arrived at the gate, St Paul explains to them:

'Heaven is a very big place and you need a car to get around. The car you get depends solely on how faithful you were to your spouse while you were alive'.

Jim was married for 15 years and cheated on his wife 3 times so he got a Citi Golf 1.4.

Dave was married 20 years and cheated on his wife once so he got a Toyota Camry 2.4 VVTi.

Eric was married for 50 years and never cheated on his wife so he got a BMW 745i.

Jim and Dave were very envious of Eric!

A couple of months later Jim and Dave see Eric sitting on the pavement crying...

Dave asks: 'What's wrong buddy?'
Eric replies: 'I just saw my wife'
Jim asks: 'So why are you crying?'
Eric says: 'She was on a bicycle!..
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#83 by uzair_friends » Mon Nov 12, 2012 22:18

Boy: I Love u

Girl: phurrrr

Boy: I Wil Die 4 U

Girl: phurrrr

Boy: I Can’t Liv without U

Girl: phurrrr

Boy: I wnt u to give a diamond
ring

Girl: Really?

Boy: phurrrrr :-D :-P
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#84 by uzair_friends » Mon Nov 12, 2012 23:23

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#85 by uzair_friends » Tue Nov 13, 2012 01:03

Santa Banta Aur Pappu Picnic Par Gaye Wahan Ja Kar Yaad Aaya Ke Pepsi To Ghar Bhool Gaye,

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Decide Kiya Ke Pappu Ja Kar Pepsi Le Aaye,

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Pappu:- Main Is Shart Par Jaunga Ki Tum Mere Aane Tak Samose Nhi Khaoge...

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Dono Ne Kaha Theek Hai,

1 Din Guzar Gaya Pappu Nhi Aaya,

2 Din Guzar Gaye

2no Ne Socha Ke Ab Samose Kha Lene Chahiye,

Dono Ne Jaise Hi Samosa Uthaya...

Pappu Ped Ke Peche Se Nikal Ke Bola...

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Aise Karoge To Main Nhi Jaonga...:o :P =D :D
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#86 by uzair_friends » Tue Nov 13, 2012 07:04



The male version... lol..
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#87 by CodeNameX » Tue Nov 13, 2012 07:52

I don't think so you should post these adult jokes like s** :roll:
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#88 by uzair_friends » Tue Nov 13, 2012 10:13

Ammadd wrote: I don't think so you should post these adult jokes like s** :roll:

I dont find any harm in it..
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#89 by bijaykumar2u » Tue Nov 13, 2012 10:25

uzair_friends wrote:
Ammadd wrote: I don't think so you should post these adult jokes like s** :roll:

I dont find any harm in it..

You are right uzair.
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#90 by uzair_friends » Tue Nov 13, 2012 10:55

Rahul : Mom hum iss desh ko
kab tak lootengey

Sonia : ''JAB TAK HAI JAAN''

Rahul : ohh Par humari help
kon karega?

Sonia : ''SON OF SARDAR'' xD
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#91 by Piddles » Wed Nov 14, 2012 01:27

uzair_friends wrote:

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#92 by bijaykumar2u » Wed Nov 14, 2012 10:05

Sardar: Ghar me mera hi Hukm chalta hai.


Mein kehta hoon, Garam Paani le aao, woh le aati hai.


Dost: Garam Paani kyon?


Sardar: Garam Paani se Bartan achchhe Dhulte hein.
Last edited by bijaykumar2u » Wed Nov 14, 2012 10:12 » edited 1 time in total
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#93 by bijaykumar2u » Wed Nov 14, 2012 10:10

Sardar to his Servant: Go and Water the Plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what, take an Umbrella and go.
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#94 by bijaykumar2u » Wed Nov 14, 2012 10:23

A teacher told all Students in a Class to write an Essay on a Cricket Match.
All were busy writing, except one Sardar.
He wrote 'DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!'
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#95 by ninxxxnin » Wed Nov 14, 2012 11:41

What Is Another Painful Sentence for single boys :(
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or suna bhabhi kesi hen :P Hurts A Lot. :oops: :lol:
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#96 by ninxxxnin » Wed Nov 14, 2012 11:53

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.

5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Mr. Patel.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Mr. Patel says to himself,'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.
2000 people leave the room.

Mr. Patel says to himself'I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?'So he stays.......... ...

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
500 people leave the room.

Mr. Patel says to himself,'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?'So he stays in the room..

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave.

498 people leave the room.

Mr.Patel says to himself,'I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?'
So he stays and finds himself with One other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Mr. Patel turns to the other candidate and says,
`Kem chho ?
... The other candidate answers'ekdam majaa maa !! :D :lol:
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#97 by uzair_friends » Thu Nov 15, 2012 04:13

A Kid's Love Letter

Have a Read :D

Dear jaanu..

Love Letter Bhejne ka karan hai ki mujhe tu Bahut pasand hai..

tu bhi humesha Meri taraf dekhti rahti hai isliye mujhe laga ki main bhi tujhe bhaut pasand hu.

Tu maths me meri help karna or tu red ribbon mat lagaya kar Qki Tere pichhe wali ladki us par ink lagati hai..

Isliye mujhe bahut Gussaa aata hai.

wo mere pados me hi rehti hai ink ka badla lene k liye main uske ghar ki bell baja kar bhag jata hOon..

Aur tu Fair & lovely lagaya kar aur Gori dikhegi.

Tere pass wali ladki Guddi hai na...??

wo Tujhe se bhi Gori hai lekin mujhe to tu hi pasand hai Qki wo mere pen churati hai.

Letter padhke agar gussa aaye to mujhe wapas kar dena lekin sir ko na dena bahut mushkil se likha hai kisi or ko de dunga :P =DD :D

Tumhara Lover Pappu..:D
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#98 by DaxOnlineWork » Thu Nov 15, 2012 10:46

A lady approaches her priest and tells him,"Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?' "

"That's terrible!" the priest... exclaimed, "But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots, whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach you parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

"Thank You!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are reading bible and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in the cage with the two male parrots and the female parrots say,

"Hi! We're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks at the other and exclaims,"Put the bibles away! Our prayers have been answered!!"
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#99 by uzair_friends » Thu Nov 15, 2012 14:57

Husband pani pila do

Bibi: Kya pyaas lagi hai ?
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Husband (Ghussey se)

Nahi Gala check karna hai kahin se LEAK to nhi kr raha.
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#100 by uzair_friends » Fri Nov 16, 2012 00:16

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?
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None. When the bulb goes, they just replace the house.
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