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The Ultimate Jokes Thread (Veg. Only)

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#61 by bijaykumar2u » Wed Nov 07, 2012 00:15

Sardar, Doctor and Pundit were all good Friends.

Both Pundit and Doctor were loving the same Girl.

Pundit started giving an Apple to the Girl daily.
.
.
.

Sardar: Hey Pundit, why have you been giving an Apple to the Girl daily?

Pundit replied: An Apple a day keeps the Doctor away.
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#62 by uzair_friends » Wed Nov 07, 2012 00:55

Solid beztiiiii

Girl friend - Januu ek baat kahu...?
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. Boy friend - Nahiiiiii.... Or thora durrrho kr
beth !!! :D :P
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#63 by uzair_friends » Wed Nov 07, 2012 02:58

Adult Message :
Proceed only if you are above 18...



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Elections are coming,
Please vote !
Thank you
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#64 by uzair_friends » Wed Nov 07, 2012 03:14

A student failed law & decided
to
make a deal with
professor
sir, do u know everything
about law?
Prof:yes
Student; if you can answer this
question,i will accept
my final marks,
if you can't, you have to give me 'A"
professor agreed
The boy asked, 'what is legal
but not
logical, logical
but not legal & neither legal nor logical?
The prof thought about it for
hours
& pondered...
But no answer.
He had to finally give up as he really did not know.
He gave the boy his 'A'
The following day, professor
asked
same Question
to his students. He was shockedwhen all of
them
raised their
hands.
He asked one student the same
question. He answered: sir, you're 65,
married to
28 year old,
this is legal but not logical.
Your wife, is having an affair
with a 23 year old
boy, this is logical but not legal
Your wife's boyfriend has
failed his
exam & yet you
have given him an 'A' It's neither logical nor legal
The professor collapsed..
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#65 by bijaykumar2u » Wed Nov 07, 2012 05:12

Armand2 RAP dance kar raha tha,
jobman ne socha us ko bhi yehi job karna chahiye aur kiya.
In dono ki Kartab ko thhik se check kiya ptcscrutiny aur Pass Mark diya.
livinggod ki daxserver me yehi message Save ho gaya.
mtaimoor bola YASH chahiye, SathishManglena...
Sabhi ke saath jasm manaya uzair_friends, aur kya ?
Bijay hi Bijay.
Long live :clixsense: .
Last edited by bijaykumar2u » Thu Nov 08, 2012 06:38 » edited 1 time in total
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#66 by bijaykumar2u » Wed Nov 07, 2012 06:15

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as Bachelor Nights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, Beer With Buddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0, but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!


Thanks,
"A Troubled User"

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utility and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support)...

I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the environment.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and Do Laundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0.


STATUTORY WARNING: DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
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#67 by bijaykumar2u » Thu Nov 08, 2012 07:43

BRUCE LEE was a great man.

But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man...

Why?

Because he became MAMU LEE!
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#68 by bijaykumar2u » Thu Nov 08, 2012 09:37

Ek Yuvak Postman Post ke liye Competitive Exam. de raha tha. Us me ek Sawaal tha ki Prithvi se Chand ki doori kitni hai ?
Yuvak ne Jawaab likha: "Itne door tak Chitthhi pahanchaane me mera koi Dilchaspi nahin."
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#69 by bijaykumar2u » Fri Nov 09, 2012 04:07

Ek naya Film dekhne ke liye Pran aur Amitabh Bachchan ek saath Theatre me ghusne ke liye pahunche.

Gatekeeper sabhi ko ek ke baad ek andar jane diya.

Pran apni Ticket Gatekeeper ko dikhaye aur andar ghus gaye.

Par Amitabh Bachchan ne jab apni Ticket dikhaye to Gatekeeper unhe ghusne nahin diya.

Line me baaki log bor ho ke chillane lage ki kyon Bachchan ji ko andar ghusne nahin de rahe ho ?

Gatekeeper bola "Pran jaye par Bachan na jaye."
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#70 by SriKanthSai » Fri Nov 09, 2012 08:43

Forum became joke ! Lol :lol:
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#71 by bijaykumar2u » Fri Nov 09, 2012 20:57

kanthsai143 wrote: Forum became joke ! Lol :lol:

According to me our Forum has not been Joke because it is only the Jokes Thread. I request you kindly not to enter this Thread if you are not interested. I created it for the members to laugh a while. Because everybody will say that Laughing is the best Medicine for all diseases.
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#72 by uzair_friends » Sat Nov 10, 2012 02:14

Incredible answer from back bencher -

Why AMBULANCE is WHITE in color?
..........................

AMBULANCE has OXYGEN cylinder,

Oxygen is a gas,

GAS is used 4 cooking FOOD,

FOOD is source of VITAMINS,

We get Vitamin-D from SUN,

SUN produces LIGHT,

LIGHT comes from bulbs,

Small BULBS are used 2 decorate CHRISTMAS tree,

CHRISTMAS means GIFTS,

GIFTS r given by SANTA,

SANTA lives in NORTH POLE,

NORTH POLE is the house of POLAR BEARS,

POLAR BEARS are WHITE,

That's why ambulance is WHITE...
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#73 by uzair_friends » Sat Nov 10, 2012 03:22

Ma: Tu Apne Baal kyun nhi katwata?

Jack: Yo Mom it's fashion.

Ma: Wo to thik he pr Log Teri Behen k liye ate he aur Tujhe Pasand kr jate he... :-P
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#74 by bijaykumar2u » Sat Nov 10, 2012 08:06

Train me ek Husband apni Wife se: Tujh se Shaadi kar ke pachhtaa raha hoon. Dil karta hai tujhe Kutte ke aage daal doon.

Saamne wala Passenger: Wao wao !
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#75 by uzair_friends » Sat Nov 10, 2012 20:37

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
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#76 by uzair_friends » Sun Nov 11, 2012 05:25

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#77 by CodeNameX » Sun Nov 11, 2012 07:26



Anyone get it ? :P
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#78 by uzair_friends » Sun Nov 11, 2012 11:00

This is what happens because of WORK PRESSURE -

Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the house door with keys

Me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants . And as I finished

I started walking towards the wash basin with Plates in my hand

Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, "Why is she not attending the weekly status call?"

I don't login to facebook, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home… thinking it will be blocked any way. Till I realize – I am at home.

Yeah sometimes it does happens with me also. keeping hands in front of tap waiting for water to drop by itself is very frequent with me. I just forget that we have to turn on and off the tap

Once after talking to one of my friends

I ended the conversation saying, "Ok bye…in case of any issues will call u back"

Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe it's in the recycle bin!

Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab….pharmacist asked whether I want 250mg or 500mg….. I replied 256mb….thank god he didn't notice.

And I – after a hectic week, went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the Theatre Screen :P :D
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#79 by DaxOnlineWork » Mon Nov 12, 2012 07:58

Strict Warning :-

Don't use Kingfisher bottle to fire Rocket.
It may not fly :p :D
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#80 by bijaykumar2u » Mon Nov 12, 2012 17:48

A: You are Active.
B: You are Best.
C: You are Cute.
D: You are my Dearest.
E: You are Excellent.
F: You are always First.
G: You are Great.
.
.
.

Sorry, I can't lie till Z...
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