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The Ultimate Jokes Thread (Veg. Only)

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#21 by bijaykumar2u » Fri Nov 02, 2012 05:04

Sardaar: Bhagwaan... mujhe Dard de, Duhkh de, Tension de, mujhe Barbaad kar de, mere pichhe Bhoot lagaa de.
Bhagwaan: Abe Shaale... ek line me bol, ki tujhe Biwi chahiye.
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#22 by CoolDudeX » Fri Nov 02, 2012 08:49

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#23 by uzair_friends » Fri Nov 02, 2012 10:22

A young woman arrived to her doctor with black and blue signs of beating.

Doctor, "What happened?"

Woman, "Doctor, I do not know what to do, whenever my husband comes home drunk he beats the hell out of me, almost killing me."

Doctor, "I have a really good medication for it. When your husband comes home drunk you just take a glass of Green tea and start to gargle and gargle, as much as you can do and that's all you have to do"

Two weeks later the woman returns to the doctor reborn and with a grateful look in her eyes .

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant medicine! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled and gargled with Green tea and nothing happened! He Has gone straight to bed."

Doctor, "You see how it helps to keep your mouth shut !" :/
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#24 by uzair_friends » Fri Nov 02, 2012 12:16

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#25 by uzair_friends » Sat Nov 03, 2012 03:16

Shaktimaan : Samajh tujhe 10 laddu
diye gae ..
Rajnikant : Mujhe..???!!!
Shaktimaan : abe Samajh na tere baap
ka kya jata
hai...Usme se 5 laddu maine le liye to tere
pass kitne bache..??
Rajnikant : 20
Shaktimaan : kaise ?
Rajnikant : Samajh na tere baap ka kya
jaata hai...!!!
:P
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#26 by uzair_friends » Sat Nov 03, 2012 11:47

Ek Baar Ki Baat Hai Jab mai Skul Jata tha

Late utho Jis Din, uss Din papa se Daat Khata tha :(

Neend me Brush Karta hua, Toilet me ghus Jata tha :D

Naa Jane Kaise Din the wo, toilet Me Hi So Jata tha :P

Ek baar ki Baat hai Jab Mai skul Jata tha

School Me Entry Krte Hi Na jane kaisa khauf satata tha

Kab Hogi Chutti Bas yai Sab Dil me Aata tha

Jaise-Jaise Bade hue , ab school me Dil Lag jata tha

Har sundar Ladki pe Najane Kyu Crush Ho Jata tha :P

Ek baar ki Baat hai Jab Mai skul Jata tha

Wo Yaaro ke Sang Masti, Wo Ladkiya Thi Jab

Hasti Canteen Me yuhi Lunch Break Nikal Jata tha

Ab Na the Hum Nadaan Kyu ki Board Ke the

Exam, Humse Koi Pucho Wo Pressure kaise Jhela Jata tha

Ek baar ki Baat hai Jab Mai skul jaata tha

Skul ka Wo Aakhri Din or Shirto Pe Signature kiya Jata tha

Tab Na the Hum Dosto ke Bin Jab, Mai School leke Jata tha..

Ek Baar Ki Baat Hai Jab mai School Jata tha

Jab Mai skul Jata tha ♥ ♥ :))
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#27 by bijaykumar2u » Sun Nov 04, 2012 02:09

Teacher: Udbhaban aur Aabiskaar ke beech me antar kya hai?
Student: Mere Papa ne meri Mummy ko Aabiskaar kia aur dono mil ke mujhe Udbhaban kia.
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#28 by uzair_friends » Sun Nov 04, 2012 02:13

Teacher was teaching Mahabharatha to 6th std students. "Kans heard devaki's 8th son wud kill him. So he put devaki & vasudev in prison. 1st child was born. Kans killed it by poison. 2nd Kans killed by sword. 3rd was born.

At this point a boy raised his hand for a doubt.

Teacher : What?

Boy : "If kans knew that the 8th son wud kill him, why did he put devaki & vasudev in SAME jail?"
Teacher fainted !
Generation gap, but common sense !
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#29 by bijaykumar2u » Sun Nov 04, 2012 03:58

Padasya Dambaru Rajah,
Tasya Mantri Toon…Taan…,
Phusphusah yojana gandhah,
Nishabdah Prana ghatakah…
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#30 by uzair_friends » Mon Nov 05, 2012 02:31

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#31 by ptcscrutiny » Mon Nov 05, 2012 02:33

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#32 by uzair_friends » Mon Nov 05, 2012 05:08

One girl went to a electronic shop with anger and
threw her new laptop on the desk at a person from
whom he bought.

She told the salesman that you
have cheated
me.

I cannot transfer file from my previous laptop..

Salesman : Madam, can you please try in front of me.
This is what She did,

1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which she
wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.
2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC.
3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the
other PC where she wanted to copy that file.
4) Right clicked the mouse and selected the PASTE
option.
.
.
Salesman DIED...his soul out of his body then his spirit also died after watching her face...!
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#33 by uzair_friends » Tue Nov 06, 2012 00:13

M0M TO S0N IN

17th CENTURY:

Beta apni CAST ki larki se hi Shaadi karna.

18th CENTURY:
...
Beta apnay LEVEL ki larki se hi Shaadi
karna.

19th CENTURY:

Beta apnay MULK ki larki se hi Shaadi
karna.

20th CENTURY:

Beta apnay RELIGI0N ki larki se hi Shaadi
karna.

21st CENTURY:

Beta LARKI se hi Shaadi karna.:P :P
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#34 by uzair_friends » Tue Nov 06, 2012 01:43

Duniya Ko Tension Dene Ke 2
Aasaan Tareeqe Hain:
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1) Kabhi Kisi Ko Poori Baat Na
Batao.
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#35 by uzair_friends » Tue Nov 06, 2012 01:46

Dear Bijay,

I would request you to change the title of this thread to something like "The Ultimate Jokes Thread (Veg. Only)". This would be more appealing than the one which is there now.

Just a suggestion..
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#36 by bijaykumar2u » Tue Nov 06, 2012 04:27

uzair_friends wrote: Dear Bijay,

I would request you to change the title of this thread to something like "The Ultimate Jokes Thread (Veg. Only)". This would be more appealing than the one which is there now.

Just a suggestion..

My Dear Brother,
When I was creating this thread I thought from every part because we are also having our female Members here. Hence I thought that only Veg. jokes would be wise. If you want to change the title of this thread into "The Ultimate Jokes Thread (Veg. Only)" then I agree with you but don't know how can I change this? If you know then let me know. After all I don't want anybody posting Non-Veg. jokes here.
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#37 by uzair_friends » Tue Nov 06, 2012 04:35

bijaykumar_74 wrote:
uzair_friends wrote: Dear Bijay,

I would request you to change the title of this thread to something like "The Ultimate Jokes Thread (Veg. Only)". This would be more appealing than the one which is there now.

Just a suggestion..

My Dear Brother,
When I was creating this thread I thought from every part because we are also having our female Members here. Hence I thought that only Veg. jokes would be wise. If you want to change the title of this thread into "The Ultimate Jokes Thread (Veg. Only)" then I agree with you but don't know how can I change this? If you know then let me know. After all I don't want anybody posting Non-Veg. jokes here.

I will change the title for now.. Changing title is simple. Just edit the first post of this topic and you will be able to change it.
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#38 by bijaykumar2u » Tue Nov 06, 2012 04:50

Why are the Egyptian's Children always confused?
Because after death, even their DADDY becomes the MUMMY.
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#39 by uzair_friends » Tue Nov 06, 2012 05:04

A hypothetical situation where 20 CEOs board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.

One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight,

he replies :

"If it is the same software that is developed by my company's IT systems department, this plane won't even take off." !!!!

That is called Confidence!! !
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#40 by CodeNameX » Tue Nov 06, 2012 05:25

I love these jokes I always visit this thread like daily or in 1-2 days good work it always makes me laugh and if anyone don't mind in my posting here in Hindi forum?
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