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The Ultimate Jokes Thread (Veg. Only)

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#241 by uzair_friends » Fri Dec 06, 2013 10:12

uzair_friends
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#242 by uzair_friends » Fri Dec 06, 2013 11:46

Lauta do mere College Ke Din

Yeh Degree bhi lelo, Yeh Naukri bhi lelo,
Bhale mujhse lelo who US ka Visa,
Magar mujhko lauta do college ka canteen,
Who TeeKha Samosaa, Who thanda saaa paani,
Who Teekha Samosa, Who thanda saaa paani

Who College ki sabse - purani nishaanee,
Who chai vaalaa jisko - saare kehte the...jaani,
Who jaani ke hathon - ki 'cutting' chai meethi,
Who chup-kese journal - mein Jo bheji thi chitthi,

Who padhte hi chitthi - tha uska bhadakna,
Who chehre ki laali, who aankhon kaa gussaa
Who teekha samosa, who thanda saaa paani..

Kadi dhoop mein - apni room se nikalnaa,
Who project ki Khatir - tha Dar Dar bhataknaa,
Who lecture mein doston - ki proxy lagaanaa,
Who sir ko chidana, aeroplane udaanaa,

Who submission ki raton - ko jagna jagaanaa,
Who vivas ke kisse, who pracs ki kahani....
Who teekha samosa, who thanda saaa paani.

College ki thi - who lambi is raatein,
Who d oston se tapre pe - pyaari is Baatein,
Who gathering ke din ka Jo ladnaa Jhagadnaa,
Who kudiyon ka yuhin - hamesha akadnaa,
Bhulaaye nahin bhool sakta hai koi
Who college ki yaaden!

Lauta do mere College Ke Din
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#243 by gvrajans » Sat Dec 07, 2013 06:20

uzair_friends wrote: A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful ... CAREFUL!! Put in some more butter!! Oh my Gosh!! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!! Turn them!! TURN THEM NOW!!

We need more butter. Oh my Gosh!! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?! They're going to STICK!! Careful ... CAREFUL!! be CAREFUL!!You NEVER listen to me
when you're cooking! Never!! Turn them! HURRY UP!!

Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!"

The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving"

Here is a solution for his problem. :lol:

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#244 by rahulmatang » Sat Dec 07, 2013 06:26

Once a boy uploaded a photo on Facebook.
A girl commented "Nice".
The boy said to girl "Thanks".
The girl said "It's my pleasure".
The boy said "MY Bajaj Pulsar " :lol: :lol:
The boy got blocked.
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#245 by rahulmatang » Sat Dec 07, 2013 06:51

What is attitude ?????

One day I met Money...

I said U r just a piece of Paper......!!
.
.
.
Money smiled & said -Ofcorse I m a piece of paper,
.
.
.
but,
I hvn't seen a dustbin in my life......!

Thats Attitude ......!! \m/
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#246 by gvrajans » Tue Dec 10, 2013 02:50




:lol:
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#247 by gvrajans » Tue Dec 10, 2013 15:03

Take your time and see if you can read each line loud without a mistake.....

The average person can't...

This is this cat.
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is monkey cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

VERY PROUD ?! :o

Now go back & read the THIRD word in each line from top to down and i bet U cant resist passing it on... Share it on !!!!

:$
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#248 by gvrajans » Fri Dec 20, 2013 14:56

Dr: Which soap do u use?
Sardar: Bajrang da Neem wala sabun,

Dr: Which paste?
Sardar: Bajrang da Ayurvedic paste.

Dr: Shampoo?
Sardar: Bajrang da Herbal shampoo.

Dr: Hair oil?
Sardar: Bajrang da Amla tel...

Dr: Is Bajrang a MultiNational Company Brand or a popular local company in your Punjab ?

Sardar: No, Bajrang is my room-mate... :lol:
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#249 by CoolDudeX » Sat Dec 21, 2013 22:30

Friends forever :P

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#250 by CoolDudeX » Sun Dec 29, 2013 12:13

Go home stone. You're drunk :lol:

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#251 by gvrajans » Sun Feb 09, 2014 05:22

Rocking SARDARS back again!!

Interviewer: what is your date of birth?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe___ EVERY YEAR

Manager asked sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replied: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.

Interviewer: just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call center girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

Sardar in airplane going to Bombay ..
While its landing he shouted: " Bombay .. Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE

:D
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#252 by ptcscrutiny » Mon Feb 10, 2014 00:00

Yeh video dekha that maine Youtube par do din pehle. Haste haste pagal ho gaya.

Bollywood Aam Aadmi Party : Arnab's Qtiyapa - YouTube
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#253 by livinggod29 » Tue Mar 18, 2014 03:08

Why ladies have long hair

Child : Mummy why Gandhiji has no hair on his head?
.
.
Mummy : Because he speak only truth.
.
.
Child: Now I understud why ladies have long hair....
:lol: :lol: :lol:
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#254 by livinggod29 » Tue Mar 25, 2014 13:38

Gujju Tip 1 : Thepla is our bread and Athaanu is our butter.

Gujju Tip 2 : A Gujju may feel tired after 10 mins of Walking,
But the same Gujju is still energetic after 5 hours of Non Stop Garba !!

Gujju Tip 3 : You are a 'pakka' gujju if you have gossiped about someone for hours and then said, "javade aapde shu"

Gujju Tip 4 : "Every Gujju will introduce their spouse as "Aa mara Mrs. Chhe or Aa mara Mr. chhe" !

Gujju Tip 5 : The World says Save Electricity, Save Water, Save Nature;
But Gujju says: Sev Puri, Sev Khaman, Sev Gathiya etc.

Ek party ma , Gujjubhai asked a girl, "Tame dance karso" ?
Chokri ubhi thai gayi ane boli
"Haan"
Gujjubhai: "Toh aa khursi hun lai jau"?
gujju rocks..

British: Can u Swim?
gujarati : No
British: Dog is Better den u because It Swims.
gujarati: Can u Swim?
British: Yes
gujarati: Then Whats the Difference between u & Dog…
British Shocked gujarati Rocks. 
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#255 by suyash8514 » Wed Mar 26, 2014 00:51

In the class the professor said," the first person to answer my question will go home early".
Santa threw his bag outside....
Teacher asked: "whose bag is that" ???
Santa answered: its mine....
bye bye...
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#256 by livinggod29 » Sat Apr 05, 2014 04:43

Species called BOSS

Boss:okay team, today we are going to play a game.

When I say a fruit, you run to the right side of the court.
And when I say a color, you run to the left side of the court. got it?

Team members: Yes, Got it.

Boss:okay...Ready, Set...
.
.
.
ORANGE!

Team members: :shock: :shock: :oops:
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#257 by livinggod29 » Mon Apr 14, 2014 01:50

Childhood best part of life

When I was small :-

• I'd put my arms in my
shirt and told people
I lost my arms

• Would restart the video
game whenever I knew I was going to lose

• Had that one pen with
four colors, and tried to push all the buttons at once

• Waited behind a door to
scare someone, then leaving because they're taking too long to come out.

• Faked being asleep,so I
could be carried to bed.

• Used to think that the moon followed our car

• Tried to balance the switch between On/Off

• Watching two drops of
rain roll down window and pretending it was a race

• The only thing i had to
take care of was a school bag.

• Swallowed a fruit seed I
was scared to death that a tree was going to grow in my tummy.

• Closed the fridge
extremely slowly to see
when the lights went off.

• Walked into a room,. forgot what you needed, Walked out, and then remember.

Remember when we were
kids and couldn't wait to grow up? and now we think why did we even grow up?

Childhood Was The Best Part Of our Life

i know u have a smile on ur face while reading the msg....if u want someone close to u smile too...go ahead..share the joyful memoirs
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#258 by livinggod29 » Tue Apr 15, 2014 03:44

A Poor Couple lived in a Small Village in India.

They had only 1 Son.

They gave him the Best Education.

Son Graduated as an Engineer in the nearby City

Eventually He got Married to a Rich Girl.

Initially, They Lived with His Parents in the Village.

Soon the Wife got Tired of Village Life & Persuaded Her Husband to Move to the City Leaving His Old Parents in the Village.

As Time went,the Husband saw an Ad in the Newspaper about a
Job Vacancy in U.S

He was Successful & Lived in U.S for 20 Years with His Wife.

Regularly, He used to Send Money to His Parents

Eventually with Time, He Stopped & Forgot about His Parents whether
They ever Existed.

Every Day He Pray & Immediately after each Prayer He used to see Someone telling Him
in a Dream that his Prayer is not Accepted.

One Day, He Related this Story to a 'Pious Aalim' who Advised Him to go Back to India to Visit His Parents.

The Man Flew to India & Reached the Boundary of His Village.

Everything was Changed over there.

He could not Find His House.

So He asked to the Head of the Village about the Whereabouts of His Parents.

The Head of the Village directed Him to a House & said: "In this House, Lives an Old Blind Lady who Lost Her Husband a Few Months Ago. She has a Son who Migrated to
US 20 Years back & Never came Back again. What an Unfortunate Man."

Son enters that Home &
Finds His Mother on the Bed.

He Tip-Toed as He did not want to Wake Her up.

He hears His Mother Whispering or Mumbling Something.

He gets Closer to Hear His Mothers Voice.

This is what His Mother was Saying:

AAB KI BAAR MODI SARKAR....
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#259 by Sukam » Tue Apr 15, 2014 04:54

:lol: :lol:

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#260 by ptcearnings11 » Thu Apr 17, 2014 08:54

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