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The Ultimate Jokes Thread (Veg. Only)

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#201 by narayan985 » Thu Feb 28, 2013 19:09

Santa singh ke dono kaan jal gaye.

Doctor: Tumhare kaan kaise jale?
Santa : Main Kameez Istari kar raha tha ke Phone aa gaya.Maine Jaldi me Phone ki jagah Istari kaan ko laga li.
Doctor: To Doosra kaan kaise jala?


Santa: Ab Ambulance ko bhi phone karna tha na. :lol:
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#202 by ptcscrutiny » Tue Mar 05, 2013 08:07

Traffic police (TP) ne Santa ko roka: Aapna license dikao.
Santa: Nahi hai.
TP: Kya license banvaya hai ya nahi.
Santa: Nahi.
TP: Kyon?
Santa: Banwane gaya tha, woh Voter ID card mangte hain, aur woh mere paas nahi hai..
TP: To Voter ID card Banwale..
Santa: Banwane gaya tha, woh Ration Card mangte hain, woh mere paas nahi hai..
TP: Toh fir Ration Card banwale..
Santa: Gaya tha, Woh Bank ki Paasbook mangte hain, woh mere paas nahi hai..
TP: To fir isme kya hai, Bank main account khulwale mere baap..
Santa: Bank bhi gaya tha saab, lekin woh Driving License mangte hain...

Incredible India!
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#203 by ptcscrutiny » Sun Mar 10, 2013 10:29

Go to google.com

Then type "find rajinikanth" and click on the first link :lol: :lol:
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#204 by oberder » Thu Mar 14, 2013 09:20

After one late party, a clown and a six-year old boy found themselves walking through a cemetery in the middle of the night on the way home -- as they moved deeper, somewhere among the many gravestones, they suddenly heard a howl from a distance...

The boy turned to the clown, shaking: "It's dark out here -- I'm scared!"

"You're scared?!" the clown replied, quite surprised. "I have to walk back home by myself!--" :o
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#205 by Albert1999 » Fri Mar 15, 2013 02:19

Please give me a LIKE if you like it..
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#206 by CoolDudeX » Tue Apr 09, 2013 20:54

A Nano breaks down on a roadside.

A BMW 750 stops to help the driver.
"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights"

They start up slowly but a only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds past 150km an hour.

The BMW driver forgets about the nano & guns it after the Porsche.

Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap the cop radios the HQ:
"You won't believe I have seen a BMW & a Porsche racing past 170 km an hour with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to Overtake"
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#207 by CoolDudeX » Thu Apr 11, 2013 21:48

RESULT OF CHANGING THE JOB:

A passenger touched the taxi driver on the shoulder to ask him to stop
The driver screamed, lost control, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, & smashed against a wall.

Then the driver said: Don't you ever do that again, you scared me!
The passenger asked: How did a little touch scare u so much? :shock: :shock:
Driver replied,
Its my first day as a taxi driver. I've been driving a van carrying Dead Bodies for the last 25 years :clap:
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#208 by DaxOnlineWork » Thu Apr 11, 2013 23:27

hilarious da machi :lol: :lol: :lol:
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#209 by uzair_friends » Fri Apr 12, 2013 02:54

SathishMagleena wrote: A Nano breaks down on a roadside.

A BMW 750 stops to help the driver.
"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights"

They start up slowly but a only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds past 150km an hour.

The BMW driver forgets about the nano & guns it after the Porsche.

Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap the cop radios the HQ:
"You won't believe I have seen a BMW & a Porsche racing past 170 km an hour with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to Overtake"

ha ha ha.... :lol:
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#210 by CoolDudeX » Fri Apr 12, 2013 07:42

daxserver wrote: hilarious da machi :lol: :lol: :lol:

took those from fb bava.....had a nice laugh myself :mrgreen:
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#211 by ptcscrutiny » Fri Apr 12, 2013 08:09

Murphys Funny laws:

1) Law of Queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

2) Law of Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone.

3) Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

4) Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

6) Bath Theorem: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

7) Law of Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8) Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

9) Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10) Theatre Rule: People with the seats at the furthest from the screen arrive last.

11) Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
last until the coffee is cold.

12) Law of Proposal : After u accept a proposal you will get a better one.
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#212 by uzair_friends » Fri Apr 12, 2013 08:53

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#213 by ptcscrutiny » Fri Apr 19, 2013 11:06

A couple had never fought in 25 years ..
A friend asked the husband - " How do you manage? "
.
Husband replied - It all started when we went on a honeymoon to south africa for horse-riding... During the horse ride ,the horse my wife was riding jumped and she fell ,she got up ,patted it and said "This is your 1st time !"

After a while ,it happened again.She got up & said "This is your 2nd time" . When it happened the 3rd time she took out a gun and shot it

I shouted at her "Oh MYY GOD! YOU PSYCHO!!!You killed the horse" ..she gave me a grave look & said "This is your 1st time"

Ever since then we've been very happy !

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#214 by ptcscrutiny » Wed Apr 24, 2013 11:28

A Man Lost his Wife In
Tsunami.........
One Drunk-Night .....
while standing on the Seashore,
waves touching
on his feet....
He shouted to the Sea: 'No matter
how many times
your Waves Touch my Feet
.
.
.
.
.
.
I'll Never take her back..... !!
Its your mistake..
Deal With It Now

:lol:
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#215 by CoolDudeX » Wed May 01, 2013 13:09

One of my Favorite Joke:
Killing English

1. Principal To Student..." I Saw U Yesterday Rotating Near Girls Hostel Pulling Cigarette... ? "

2. Class Teacher Once Said :" Pick Up The Paper And Fall In The Dustbin!!!"

3. Once Hindi Teacher Said...."I'm Going Out Of The World To America.."

4. "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

5. Don't..Laugh At The Back
Benches...Otherwise Teeth And All Will Be Fallen Down.....

6. It Was Very Hot In The Afternoon When The Teacher Entered.. She Tried To Switch The Fan On, But There Was Some Problem. And Then She Said " Why Is Fan Not Oning" (Ing Form Of On)

7. Teacher In A Furious Mood... Write Down Ur Name And Father Of Ur Name!!

8. "Shhh... Quiet... The Principal Is Revolving Around College"

9. My Manager Started Like This "Hi, I Am Madhu, Married With Two Kids"

10. "Will U Hang That Calendar Or Else I'll
HANG MYSELF"
11. LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

12. Chemistry HOD Comes And Tells Us... "My Aim Is To Study My Son And Marry My Daughter"

13. Tomorrow Call Ur Parents Especially Mother And Father

14. "Why Are You Looking At The Monkeys Outside When I Am In The Class?!"

15. Lab Assistant Said This When My Friend Wrote Wrong Code.. "I Understand. You Understand. Computer How Understand??

16. Seeing The Principal Passing By, The Teacher Told The Noisy Class.. "Keep Quiet, The Principal Has Passed Away"

:mrgreen:
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#216 by ptcscrutiny » Thu May 02, 2013 10:30

Son to his Dad : Why doesn't the law permit us to have more than one wife?

Dad : When you get married son, you will realize that the law is on OUR side.
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#217 by oberder » Sat May 04, 2013 13:34

SathishMagleena wrote: One of my Favorite Joke:
Killing English

8. "Shhh... Quiet... The Principal Is Revolving Around College"

16. Seeing The Principal Passing By, The Teacher Told The Noisy Class.. "Keep Quiet, The Principal Has Passed Away"

:mrgreen:

:o OMG!-- *ROFL*
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#218 by nirmit9 » Tue May 07, 2013 23:42

Santa : Yaar aaj mein bus ke peeche peecha daudkar 15 rupees bacha liye.
Banta : Kya yaar, tum to bahut murkh ho, agar taxi ke peeche bhagte to 150 rupees bachta!
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#219 by nirmit9 » Mon May 13, 2013 07:49

Sardar ke bagiche me bahut sare ped the,
Sardar naukar ko bola ped ko pani dal.
Naukar bola saab barish aah raha hai,
Sardar: abe budhu chhatri pakadke dal na!. :lol:
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#220 by CoolDudeX » Wed Jun 26, 2013 11:05

The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss.

Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.

Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone

Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.

All of them shocked and together look at the maid who's patiently listening to them.

Maid: "What? So we all use our work phone. What's the Big deal??!"
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