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The Ultimate Jokes Thread (Veg. Only)

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#181 by livinggod29 » Tue Jan 08, 2013 07:12

University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job. One common
question was asked to all 4 of them.

INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?

YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light

HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; because thought is so fast it comes instantly in
your mind.

MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked

SANTA SINGH: Its Loose motion

INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked) "WHY"?

SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the
worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON
THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!
livinggod29
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#182 by livinggod29 » Tue Jan 08, 2013 09:30

livinggod29
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#183 by SriKanthSai » Fri Jan 11, 2013 06:35

My ex texted me ,"You can delete my number",
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I texted back"Who is this?":-)
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#184 by uzair_friends » Sat Jan 12, 2013 03:00

Difference between Indian Movies and American Movies:

AMERICAN MOVIES :
1. Chinese have nothing better to do than
teaching or practice Kung Fu.

2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/
CIA agents, working undercover.

3. The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote basketball.

4. Aliens have special interest in attacking U.S.

5. U.S. is a place where you can meet all
mythical creatures like were wolves and vampires. :P
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INDIAN MOVIES :
1. At least one of the identical twins is born evil.

2. While defusing a bomb, donot worry,
which ever wire you cut u'll always choose the right".

3. A hero will show no pain, while getting beaten up,
but will show pain when a girl cleans up his wound.

4. A detective can solve a case only when he is
suspended from duty.

5. If you decide to start dancing on the street,
everyone you meet will know the steps.
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#185 by uzair_friends » Mon Jan 14, 2013 00:42

uzair_friends
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#186 by uzair_friends » Mon Jan 14, 2013 00:48

A woman in hot air balloon realised that she is lost. She reduced altitude and shouted to a man below:
Excuse me! Can you help me? I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I do not know where I am.

Man below replied:
You are in a hot air balloon 30 ft. above the ground. You are 41 deg North latitude and 59 deg West longitude.

Lady: You must be an engineer.

Man: How do you know?

Lady: Everything you told me is technically correct but useless and the fact is I am still lost.

Engineer: You must be in top management.

Lady: Yes. How do you know?

Engineer: You do not know where you are and where you are going.
You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.
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#187 by uzair_friends » Mon Jan 14, 2013 03:39

uzair_friends
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#188 by CoolDudeX » Tue Jan 15, 2013 22:26

‎3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The
taxi driver knew that they were
drunk so he started the engine &
turned it off again.
He told them."We have reached ".
The 1st guy gave him money.
The 2nd guy said "thank you".
The 3rd guy gave the driver a slap.
The driver was shocked,thinking the
3rd drunk knew what he did. But he
asked "whats that for?".
The 3rd guy replied: "CONTROL
YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME, you
nearly killed us!"
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#189 by babagaurav » Wed Jan 16, 2013 01:36

pati - adalat m jaj saab m apni patni se khush nai hu.
patni- tu kya kahi ka nawab mabaab h pura mohlla khush h,,,,,,,,,, :lol: :lol:
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#190 by mmaker48 » Wed Jan 16, 2013 23:16

cool nice jokes .. let me post some :P
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#191 by bipsmedia » Thu Jan 17, 2013 03:45

All Joke Are Too Interesting Please Keep On Posting :D :) :D :D :D
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#192 by GOPIKRISH916 » Fri Jan 18, 2013 15:50

Telling a lie is fault for little boy,
an art for a lover ,
an accomplishment for bachelor
and a matter of survival for a married man.
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#193 by subway_123 » Sun Jan 20, 2013 10:44

kanthsai143 wrote: My ex texted me ,"You can delete my number",
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I texted back"Who is this?":-)
this is lovely :clap: :lol:
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#194 by narayan985 » Sun Jan 20, 2013 21:44

GOPIKRISH916 wrote: Telling a lie is fault for little boy,
an art for a lover ,
an accomplishment for bachelor
and a matter of survival for a married man.

yes its true. dear,
keep it up
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#195 by livinggod29 » Thu Jan 24, 2013 08:48

Frnd k sath karo ya Girlfrnd k sath,
room me karo ya garden me,
din me karo ya raat me,
bed pe karo ya sofe pe,
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PADHHAI to karni hi padti hai bossss :D
livinggod29
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#196 by CodeNameX » Thu Jan 31, 2013 06:03

Father: Son , Give me Your Phone

Me : Ok , Just a minute i want to unlock it




Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete video
Delete picture
Delete music
Delete private
Delete number
Delete New Folder/New Folder/New Folder
FORMAT MeMoRY CARD



Me: Ok Here Dad
I don't Have Something to Hide


Father: No No , Don't Worry , I just want to see what time is it
CodeNameX
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#197 by CodeNameX » Sun Feb 17, 2013 05:59

Photographer studio ma chote bachey sy:
Mari taraf dekho beta
es camera se kabutar nikly ga.

Bacha:
Focus adjust kar
Jahilon wali baat mat kar
Portrait Mode use karna
Micro k sath
High Resolution ma pic aani chahiay
Faceb0ok pe upload karni hy
wrna paise nhi milen ge.
SAALA...
"kabutar nikale ga?"
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#198 by Albert1999 » Thu Feb 21, 2013 22:59

FB Admin hone ki sabse bari
problm....
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Sari larkiyo ko lagta ha k iski to
pahle se hi girlfrnd hogi :-)
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Unko kya pata isee vajah se aaj
tak
single hu mai.....:-(:"(
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#199 by tipnet1 » Tue Feb 26, 2013 03:42

Principal: School ka Time hai 8 Baje aur tum 9 Baje aa rahe ho!
Student
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#200 by narayan985 » Thu Feb 28, 2013 19:03

Santa ne puri raat mujra dekha.
Mujrewali -Saheb, humne aapko khush kiya, ab aap hume khush kar do.

Santa - Achchha to ab tum baitho, mai Nachta hu. :lol:
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