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The Ultimate Jokes Thread (Veg. Only)

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#1 by bijaykumar2u » Sat Oct 27, 2012 18:40

Q: Why doesn't the Indian Law permit a Man to marry a Second Woman?
A: Because as per the Law one cannot be punished twice for the same Offence!
Last edited by uzair_friends » Tue Nov 06, 2012 04:36 » edited 1 time in total
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#2 by bijaykumar2u » Sun Oct 28, 2012 02:47

Teacher: What is line?
Student: A dot going for a walk.
Teacher: Then, what are Parallel lines?
Student: Dot going for a walk with his Girlfriend.
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#3 by uzair_friends » Sun Oct 28, 2012 08:39

Santa ne ek aadmi ko tamacha maar diya !
Aadmi: Maine kya galti ki..??
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Santa: Tum saale galti karo uske liye hum intezaar thode hi karenge.. :P
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#4 by bijaykumar2u » Sun Oct 28, 2012 09:44

Internet ka Presidentship Election ho raha tha.
Wikipedia: I know everything.
Google: I have everything.
Facebook: I know everybody.
Internet: Without me you all are nothing.
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Electricity: Khamosh, Aawaaz Neeche...
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#5 by bijaykumar2u » Sun Oct 28, 2012 21:56

Principal: School ka Time hai 8 Baje aur tum 9 Baje aa rahe ho!
Student: Tussi mera Intezaar na kiya karo Sir Ji, School Shuru kar diya karo.
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#6 by bijaykumar2u » Mon Oct 29, 2012 05:40

Long Power Cut in Delhi had made life miserable.
Worst affected was Delhi Metro Station where two Lame Gentlemen got stuck for 48 hours on Escalators.
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#7 by bijaykumar2u » Wed Oct 31, 2012 09:51

God thought that since he couldn't be everywhere he made a Mother.
Then the Devil thought that he also couldn't be everywhere he made a Mother-in-Law.
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#8 by bijaykumar2u » Thu Nov 01, 2012 08:24

Boy: Do you love me just because my Father left me a fortune?
Girl: No Stupid, I'd love you no matter who left you the Wealth.
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#9 by CoolDudeX » Thu Nov 01, 2012 22:49

If first bench students gets bored they say..
Come on lets go to library.
If 2nd bench students get bored they say lets bunk ..
If 3rd bench students get bored they say
Let's move to cafeteria..
If 4th bench students get bored they say
Will go for a film
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If last bencbets get bored they say to each other.

Come dude we will attend the class today.....
So True... :mrgreen:
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#10 by Piddles » Thu Nov 01, 2012 23:31

bijaykumar_74 wrote: Boy: Do you love me just because my Father left me a fortune?
Girl: No Stupid, I'd love you no matter who left you the Wealth.

:clap:
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#11 by DaxOnlineWork » Fri Nov 02, 2012 00:44

@Sathish that's true :shock:
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#12 by uzair_friends » Fri Nov 02, 2012 00:50

Girl (sharmaty hue): Ye Pyar kya hota hai?
Boy: pyar ka rishta 2 insano main wohi hota hai jo cement or rait k darmiyan pani ka hota hai
For Example
Larka = Cement
Larki = Rait
Love = Pani
ab agar cement or rait ko Aapas main mila diya jaye to wo strong nahi honge
lekin agar in main pani mix kar diyajaye to koi in ko juda nahi kar sakta.
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Girl (hanste hue): Kaminey tu shakal se he Mistri lagta he.
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#13 by ptcscrutiny » Fri Nov 02, 2012 01:00

uzair_friends wrote: Girl (sharmaty hue): Ye Pyar kya hota hai?
Boy: pyar ka rishta 2 insano main wohi hota hai jo cement or rait k darmiyan pani ka hota hai
For Example
Larka = Cement
Larki = Rait
Love = Pani
ab agar cement or rait ko Aapas main mila diya jaye to wo strong nahi honge
lekin agar in main pani mix kar diyajaye to koi in ko juda nahi kar sakta.
.
.
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Girl (hanste hue): Kaminey tu shakal se he Mistri lagta he.

Absolutely hilarious.

Keep them coming people. This thread is a perfect stress buster.
Thanks for all contributions.
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#14 by bijaykumar2u » Fri Nov 02, 2012 01:03

A Medical Student wrote a LOVE LETTER with his BLOOD to his Crush and wrote in end - I WANT ANSWER OF THIS.
Next Day his Lover answered: Blood Group is "O" Positive.
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#15 by bijaykumar2u » Fri Nov 02, 2012 01:08

Signboard outside our College: DRIVE CAREFULLY! Don't kill the STUDENTS. Wait for the LECTURERS!
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#16 by bijaykumar2u » Fri Nov 02, 2012 01:31

Son: What is the difference between Confidence and Confidential?
Dad: You are my Son. I am Confident. But your Friend is also my Son, it is Confidential.
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#17 by uzair_friends » Fri Nov 02, 2012 02:27

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#18 by uzair_friends » Fri Nov 02, 2012 04:11

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#19 by uzair_friends » Fri Nov 02, 2012 04:23

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head
from the engine of a Harley Davidson
motorcycle.

when he spotted a well-known
heart surgeon in his shop.

The mechanic shouted across the garage,
"Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to
the mechanic working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his
hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at
this engine.
I open its heart, take the valves
out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.
So how come I
get such a small salary and you get the really
big bucks, when you and I are doing basically
the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over,
and whispered to the mechanic
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.
.
.
.
"Try doing it with the engine running"
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#20 by uzair_friends » Fri Nov 02, 2012 04:34

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